I need to get up!

I need to get up!

It’s 7am and the alarm has just gone off, not that I need it, I’ve been lying awake for hours. My husband is up and the kids are starting to rouse. I know I should get up. I know I should get out of bed, greet my children with a cheery good morning and get them sorted for their day. But I can’t. I can’t actually move.

The fear is here again. I don’t know what I’m scared off, I am just afraid. I have a tight knot of foreboding in my chest that will not go away.

I need to get up.

I’m scared. I want to tell my husband but how do you explain that you scared but you don’t know what you are afraid off? He wants to fix it for me, he wants to take away the fear so I can get up and enjoy the day with him. He can’t fix it. I feel guilty because I am broken but don’t know how to fix myself. I feel stupid because I can’t tell him what I’m afraid off, only that I’m so scared that I can’t move.

I need to get up.

The kids are bickering downstairs, breakfast dishes are being put away and teeth are getting brushed. “Where’s mummy?”

I need to get up.

If I could just get up I could at least kiss them goodbye – what if this is the last time I see them? What if I die before they come home? What if something happens to them? What if something happens to my husband?

I need to get up, why am I so afraid? The pain in my chest has gotten worse, my hands and feet are tingling now and I can’t breath.

If I could just get up.

Too late they have gone.

Gone to school without a kiss from their mother, without an affectionate ruffle of their hair and a wish of a good day.

I wish I had gotten up.

I will try again tommorow morning.

A Party with The REAL Elsa and Gluten Free Food

A Party with The REAL Elsa and Gluten Free Food

Last week my 5 year old, Frozen obsessed, daughter was invited to a birthday party. This is a short post to say a Massive Thank You to the mum who organized the party.

Eden was provided with her own picnic box of Gluten Free food and a slice of Gluten Free cake. I cannot express my gratitude enough. Eden was included. This extra effort on the mums part made such a difference, and she did with love. It wasn’t a hassle or an inconvenience.

Eden will remember the party because she got to sit with her friends and eat what they were eating and have birthday cake like everyone else. There will be no memories of sitting with no food or not being allowed cake like everyone else. There will be no lasting feeling of exclusion. The only lasting memory will be of meeting the real Elsa!

You know who you are, I cannot thank you enough.

Claire x