I need to get up!

I need to get up!

It’s 7am and the alarm has just gone off, not that I need it, I’ve been lying awake for hours. My husband is up and the kids are starting to rouse. I know I should get up. I know I should get out of bed, greet my children with a cheery good morning and get them sorted for their day. But I can’t. I can’t actually move.

The fear is here again. I don’t know what I’m scared off, I am just afraid. I have a tight knot of foreboding in my chest that will not go away.

I need to get up.

I’m scared. I want to tell my husband but how do you explain that you scared but you don’t know what you are afraid off? He wants to fix it for me, he wants to take away the fear so I can get up and enjoy the day with him. He can’t fix it. I feel guilty because I am broken but don’t know how to fix myself. I feel stupid because I can’t tell him what I’m afraid off, only that I’m so scared that I can’t move.

I need to get up.

The kids are bickering downstairs, breakfast dishes are being put away and teeth are getting brushed. “Where’s mummy?”

I need to get up.

If I could just get up I could at least kiss them goodbye – what if this is the last time I see them? What if I die before they come home? What if something happens to them? What if something happens to my husband?

I need to get up, why am I so afraid? The pain in my chest has gotten worse, my hands and feet are tingling now and I can’t breath.

If I could just get up.

Too late they have gone.

Gone to school without a kiss from their mother, without an affectionate ruffle of their hair and a wish of a good day.

I wish I had gotten up.

I will try again tommorow morning.

What makes my nuclear family modern?

What makes my nuclear family modern?

Our family is by definition a traditional nuclear family; mum, dad, son and daughter so when I was approached by Mumsnet to blog about my modern family for Matalan, I was keen to explore what makes my nuclear family modern.

Matalan have been trading for 30 years and are celebrating with their Made for Modern Families Campaign.


Matalan enlisted the help of Mark Earls an author and leading expert in social behavior to get a better understanding of how the family unit is changing. The full report is definitely worth a read.

I have chosen to highlight 3 of the points that apply to my family.

Firstly my cats, yes yes, I am now a fully fledged cat person and consider my cats to be, as BayMax in Big Hero6 said, ” my furry babies.” Along with 1 in 5 families surveyed we consider the cats to be part of our family, it is normal to celebrate my cats birthdays, isn’t it 😉

Secondly my friends – my friends are my family. These girls have been with me through my daughters open heart surgery and then kids coeliac diagnosis. They know me and my little quirks. I trust them and their views and often turn to them for parenting and life advice. I consider their children to be like my own.

Finally I want to talk a little bit about technology and social media. This is the part of the research that struck the biggest cord with me. We, like 2 out of 3 others, use technology to keep in touch with one another. Many a bed time story has been done through FaceTime. We lead very busy lives that involve traveling and this amazing technology has allowed us to be present parents when distance has became and issue. My husband was able to watch my daughters nativity live through face time.

They say it takes a village to raise a child and recently I have found a village of people on social media. I have a group of girls that support and challenge me to be the best version of myself.
I also have a community of people that have been invaluable in helping me deal with kids Coeliac Disease. Through Facebook groups and twitter these people have made me feel supported, without the internet and social media I think it could have been very isolating.

So yes whilst we are a tradition nuclear family we are also very much a modern one! Join me in celebrating the diversity of modern families by posting your family portrait here.


What makes your family modern? This is what other Mumsnet bloggers had to say.