I need to get up!

I need to get up!

It’s 7am and the alarm has just gone off, not that I need it, I’ve been lying awake for hours. My husband is up and the kids are starting to rouse. I know I should get up. I know I should get out of bed, greet my children with a cheery good morning and get them sorted for their day. But I can’t. I can’t actually move.

The fear is here again. I don’t know what I’m scared off, I am just afraid. I have a tight knot of foreboding in my chest that will not go away.

I need to get up.

I’m scared. I want to tell my husband but how do you explain that you scared but you don’t know what you are afraid off? He wants to fix it for me, he wants to take away the fear so I can get up and enjoy the day with him. He can’t fix it. I feel guilty because I am broken but don’t know how to fix myself. I feel stupid because I can’t tell him what I’m afraid off, only that I’m so scared that I can’t move.

I need to get up.

The kids are bickering downstairs, breakfast dishes are being put away and teeth are getting brushed. “Where’s mummy?”

I need to get up.

If I could just get up I could at least kiss them goodbye – what if this is the last time I see them? What if I die before they come home? What if something happens to them? What if something happens to my husband?

I need to get up, why am I so afraid? The pain in my chest has gotten worse, my hands and feet are tingling now and I can’t breath.

If I could just get up.

Too late they have gone.

Gone to school without a kiss from their mother, without an affectionate ruffle of their hair and a wish of a good day.

I wish I had gotten up.

I will try again tommorow morning.

Jamie Oliver please help kids with Coeliac Disease

Jamie Oliver please help kids with Coeliac Disease

It has been quite a week! Between school runs, homework and tonsillitis I found myself with the opportunity to speak out about the challenges we face when eating out with our children who have Coeliac Disease. An opportunity to address a celebrity chef whom I greatly admire and respect, Jamie Oliver, in The Daily Telegraph

For those of you who don’t know Coeliac Disease is an auto immune disease which causes an immune response that damages the gut. I won’t get to too technical but basically the villi, (little finger like protrusions) in the gut swell up, causing a range of symptoms and preventing food being absorbed properly. Our kids both get awful stomach pains, constipation, headaches, fatigue and muscle aches just from eating a grain of Gluten. That’s the thing you see, with Coeliac Disease you can’t have “just a little bit” and be OK, you cannot eat any Gluten which means no cross contamination – so different toasters, chopping boards, cooking utensils – you get my point! Coeliac Disease is also a lifelong condition so my kids will have this for rest of their lives! Any pizza and beer nights when older will need to be gluten free.

I am the first to admit that I am a lazy mum, I choose convenience over labour. I choose play, chatting, and days out over cooking and cleaning. The time I have with my kids is so fleeting that I chose to be in the moment with them enjoying them, watching them grow and listening to the latest about Lego Ninjago and Frozen. So this diagnosis has hit me hard. They were diagnosed in September and I have spent the time since then scrambling to get a hold on the day to day challenges they/we now face. Dealing with the emotional impact it has had on the kids and helping them come to terms with life long sentence biology has handed them. My five-year-old daughter, has taken it OK, she’s just young enough to not realise. My son, who is seven, however has really struggled as he is not able to eat his favourite foods anymore. As a mum this has been hard. How do you begin to explain this to your children?

One of the biggest challenges we have faced is eating out. Whist I do enjoy cooking, eating out has been something we have always done as a family. We would decide to stay out for dinner without thinking twice. Let me talk you through what eating out is now like. My husband or I will phone ahead, tell them the kids have Coeliac Disease and ask if they have gluten free choices on the menu, they say yes, we tell the kids, then off we go. Inevitably we arrive to find that whilst they do gluten free for adults they don’t for children. We then have to spend time finding out what can be made into children’s meals. We were once asked if we would just order an adult main meal and share it between them! This is not nice for the kids.

This is where Jamie Oliver comes in. We were shopping in Cardiff and the kids asked to go to Jamie’s Italian as we hadn’t been since diagnosis and we used to go all the time. We phoned before we agreed to go and were assured that yes they cater for Coeliac Disease. So you can imagine the utter disappointment when they didn’t cater for the kids. The waiter had to go back and forth to the kitchen and then dinner was served with a helping of “we can’t guarantee it’s gluten free.” At this point we probably should have walked out but stayed and took the chance; hind sight is a wonderful thing.

Jamie’s Italian have written to me since the article, they have apologized and assured me that staff have all been recently trained. They have also stated that my letter has made available to Jamie. However Jamie himself has remained silent. I get it, I really do, by engaging me he makes it a bigger story and he wants it to just go away. Here’s the thing – I would also like to ignore my children’s Coeliac Disease and for it to just go away – but it won’t. Just like the other parents out there who have kids with Coeliac disease or food allergies, this is something we face day to day. Jamie could really make a difference in these kids’ lives by setting an example to other chefs and including an allergy menu for his customers that are children, let’s be honest if they already do it for adults it’s not going to be that much work to do it for kids. This may seem like a small thing for you Jamie but it would make a massive impact on a lot of people’s lives.
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Since this was published lots of people have asked where they can show support so I have started a Thread on Jamie's Facebook Page asking for his help. If you would like to comment click here Fingers crossed Jamie hears us!

What makes my nuclear family modern?

What makes my nuclear family modern?

Our family is by definition a traditional nuclear family; mum, dad, son and daughter so when I was approached by Mumsnet to blog about my modern family for Matalan, I was keen to explore what makes my nuclear family modern.

Matalan have been trading for 30 years and are celebrating with their Made for Modern Families Campaign.

ModernMumsnetFamily

Matalan enlisted the help of Mark Earls an author and leading expert in social behavior to get a better understanding of how the family unit is changing. The full report is definitely worth a read.

I have chosen to highlight 3 of the points that apply to my family.

Firstly my cats, yes yes, I am now a fully fledged cat person and consider my cats to be, as BayMax in Big Hero6 said, ” my furry babies.” Along with 1 in 5 families surveyed we consider the cats to be part of our family, it is normal to celebrate my cats birthdays, isn’t it 😉

Secondly my friends – my friends are my family. These girls have been with me through my daughters open heart surgery and then kids coeliac diagnosis. They know me and my little quirks. I trust them and their views and often turn to them for parenting and life advice. I consider their children to be like my own.

Finally I want to talk a little bit about technology and social media. This is the part of the research that struck the biggest cord with me. We, like 2 out of 3 others, use technology to keep in touch with one another. Many a bed time story has been done through FaceTime. We lead very busy lives that involve traveling and this amazing technology has allowed us to be present parents when distance has became and issue. My husband was able to watch my daughters nativity live through face time.

They say it takes a village to raise a child and recently I have found a village of people on social media. I have a group of girls that support and challenge me to be the best version of myself.
I also have a community of people that have been invaluable in helping me deal with kids Coeliac Disease. Through Facebook groups and twitter these people have made me feel supported, without the internet and social media I think it could have been very isolating.

So yes whilst we are a tradition nuclear family we are also very much a modern one! Join me in celebrating the diversity of modern families by posting your family portrait here.

Matalan-Mumsnet-ModernFamily

What makes your family modern? This is what other Mumsnet bloggers had to say.

New Year – Accepting Me Follow my blog with Bloglovin

New Year – Accepting Me Follow my blog with Bloglovin

There has lots of post in last month or so titled New Year New Me which have made me wonder why do these people have such little respect for the old me? It’s also challenged my sense of self and my respect for the person I was last year.

Yes there are things I would like to change about myself. I have posted here about me desire to be fitter and healthier. As most mothers across the worlds I constantly feel like I’m letting kids down and should do more!

However I am going to choose to focus on the things I done correctly last year, the areas in my live that I grew and the Epic memories of watching my kids grow.

So here are my highlights of 2014:

By far the best thing about 2014 was that my family grew both together and individually. The kids really came into their own last year, developing wicked sense of humour and a keen thirst for knowledge. In developing and nurturing their individual interests we have grown closer as a family as we discovered new things together.

My husband and I both started new jobs which has challenged the day to day running of the household, things got missed but you know what, we survived! Watching Eddie enjoy his new job has been a privilege. He is based from home now so we have settled into a routine which has us working alongside each other and I love it.

As I mentioned I have a new job, I started as the UK manager for resurf.a.stic and I’m now the official distributer for the UK. Big step but I’m loving it. The various facets of this job keep it interesting and challenging. I have met some amazingly supportive women since starting this adventure and I feel empowered by them.

Excuse me whilst I gush for a moment but I cannot carry on without mentioning one person who has has a profound impact on my self worth. As you know I attended Antonia Mariconda’s How to build a beauty blog workshop, little did I know that this would shape the way I view myself. At the workshop Antonia set us the challenge to leave a legacy. Which is where this blog was born. Antonia believes in me and supports my dream to be the best version of myself I can be. I cannot thank her enough for pushing me and telling me that I have a voice and I should use it! Shine Bright!!!

The result is 2014 was the year I found my voice and the courage to use it.

I don’t know what 2015 holds but I do know that I don’t need a new me to enjoy it. The possibilities are endless. As Dr Seuss says ” I have a brain in my head and feet in my shoes!” So bring it on!!!