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I have spent most of my life standing in the shadows, afraid to speak up for fear of being wrong or laughed at. Fear of other people’s opinion of me, offending someone or letting those I love down.
The shadow’s are cold and lonely, for me they were filled with fear which developed into a severe anxiety disorder. My anxiety crippled me and stole a large chunk of my life. I was scared to go out and be with people but simultaneously afraid to be on my own. I never knew what would trigger a panic attack that could leave me in bed for days at a time.
I was frustrated as I had a voice but didn’t know how to use it and when I did, I spoke with a whisper so no-one listened. Why would they? I had no confidence in myself so why should others?
In October I met someone that would change this, Antonia Mariconda aka The Cosmedic Coach. I attended Antonia’s How to Build your own beauty blog workshop with immense trepidation. The beauty world felt so far removed from my life a slummy mummy 😉
This workshop literally changed my life. Antonia talked about leaving a legacy and taking charge of your life, working out what you want to say then saying it. At the end of the workshop I got the honor of speaking with both Antonia and Melissa Foreman, little did I know this conversation would change everything and I would go onto be friends with these amazing ladies. Both of them told me to embrace myself; forgive myself; love the body I am in; stand up and speak.
In the months since that initial meeting I have been accepted into a group of #coachettes we support one another in a way that I have never experienced. There is no snide bitchiness only love and support.
I have had the confidence to speak – loudly. My voice has been heard in The Telegraph, Wales Online, BBC Radio Wales. I have coveted spot as a Huffington Post blogger.
I am about to be published in Aesthetic Medicine Magazine and will be interviewed for TV this week. I am also a guest speaker at The Allergy and Free From Show and The Advanced Beauty Conference. Pretty crazy huh!
I no longer cower in the shadows afraid of my own voice. If something scares me I face it head on. Just yesterday I said “it scares me but I’m doing it.” I take medication for my anxiety, yes I said it, I admit it. I am not ashamed of it. It helps me.
Standing in the sun of course brings its dangers – we all the know about the dangers of sun burn. This is no different, not everyone will like what I have to say and some may get critical, but that’s OK. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. I’m prepared I’m wearing my sunscreen and I’ve got my girls to boost me when I get a bit sun stroke!
I am standing in the sun, it’s amazing.I am warm, I am happy and I am no longer afraid to speak. My anxiety no longer rules my life.
I encourage you all to face your fears and stand up. Your voice is unique and should be heard.
It has been quite a week! Between school runs, homework and tonsillitis I found myself with the opportunity to speak out about the challenges we face when eating out with our children who have Coeliac Disease. An opportunity to address a celebrity chef whom I greatly admire and respect, Jamie Oliver, in The Daily Telegraph
For those of you who don’t know Coeliac Disease is an auto immune disease which causes an immune response that damages the gut. I won’t get to too technical but basically the villi, (little finger like protrusions) in the gut swell up, causing a range of symptoms and preventing food being absorbed properly. Our kids both get awful stomach pains, constipation, headaches, fatigue and muscle aches just from eating a grain of Gluten. That’s the thing you see, with Coeliac Disease you can’t have “just a little bit” and be OK, you cannot eat any Gluten which means no cross contamination – so different toasters, chopping boards, cooking utensils – you get my point! Coeliac Disease is also a lifelong condition so my kids will have this for rest of their lives! Any pizza and beer nights when older will need to be gluten free.
I am the first to admit that I am a lazy mum, I choose convenience over labour. I choose play, chatting, and days out over cooking and cleaning. The time I have with my kids is so fleeting that I chose to be in the moment with them enjoying them, watching them grow and listening to the latest about Lego Ninjago and Frozen. So this diagnosis has hit me hard. They were diagnosed in September and I have spent the time since then scrambling to get a hold on the day to day challenges they/we now face. Dealing with the emotional impact it has had on the kids and helping them come to terms with life long sentence biology has handed them. My five-year-old daughter, has taken it OK, she’s just young enough to not realise. My son, who is seven, however has really struggled as he is not able to eat his favourite foods anymore. As a mum this has been hard. How do you begin to explain this to your children?
One of the biggest challenges we have faced is eating out. Whist I do enjoy cooking, eating out has been something we have always done as a family. We would decide to stay out for dinner without thinking twice. Let me talk you through what eating out is now like. My husband or I will phone ahead, tell them the kids have Coeliac Disease and ask if they have gluten free choices on the menu, they say yes, we tell the kids, then off we go. Inevitably we arrive to find that whilst they do gluten free for adults they don’t for children. We then have to spend time finding out what can be made into children’s meals. We were once asked if we would just order an adult main meal and share it between them! This is not nice for the kids.
This is where Jamie Oliver comes in. We were shopping in Cardiff and the kids asked to go to Jamie’s Italian as we hadn’t been since diagnosis and we used to go all the time. We phoned before we agreed to go and were assured that yes they cater for Coeliac Disease. So you can imagine the utter disappointment when they didn’t cater for the kids. The waiter had to go back and forth to the kitchen and then dinner was served with a helping of “we can’t guarantee it’s gluten free.” At this point we probably should have walked out but stayed and took the chance; hind sight is a wonderful thing.
Jamie’s Italian have written to me since the article, they have apologized and assured me that staff have all been recently trained. They have also stated that my letter has made available to Jamie. However Jamie himself has remained silent. I get it, I really do, by engaging me he makes it a bigger story and he wants it to just go away. Here’s the thing – I would also like to ignore my children’s Coeliac Disease and for it to just go away – but it won’t. Just like the other parents out there who have kids with Coeliac disease or food allergies, this is something we face day to day. Jamie could really make a difference in these kids’ lives by setting an example to other chefs and including an allergy menu for his customers that are children, let’s be honest if they already do it for adults it’s not going to be that much work to do it for kids. This may seem like a small thing for you Jamie but it would make a massive impact on a lot of people’s lives.
Since this was published lots of people have asked where they can show support so I have started a Thread on Jamie's Facebook Page asking for his help. If you would like to comment click here Fingers crossed Jamie hears us!
Our family is by definition a traditional nuclear family; mum, dad, son and daughter so when I was approached by Mumsnet to blog about my modern family for Matalan, I was keen to explore what makes my nuclear family modern.
Matalan have been trading for 30 years and are celebrating with their Made for Modern Families Campaign.
I have chosen to highlight 3 of the points that apply to my family.
Firstly my cats, yes yes, I am now a fully fledged cat person and consider my cats to be, as BayMax in Big Hero6 said, ” my furry babies.” Along with 1 in 5 families surveyed we consider the cats to be part of our family, it is normal to celebrate my cats birthdays, isn’t it 😉
Secondly my friends – my friends are my family. These girls have been with me through my daughters open heart surgery and then kids coeliac diagnosis. They know me and my little quirks. I trust them and their views and often turn to them for parenting and life advice. I consider their children to be like my own.
Finally I want to talk a little bit about technology and social media. This is the part of the research that struck the biggest cord with me. We, like 2 out of 3 others, use technology to keep in touch with one another. Many a bed time story has been done through FaceTime. We lead very busy lives that involve traveling and this amazing technology has allowed us to be present parents when distance has became and issue. My husband was able to watch my daughters nativity live through face time.
They say it takes a village to raise a child and recently I have found a village of people on social media. I have a group of girls that support and challenge me to be the best version of myself.
I also have a community of people that have been invaluable in helping me deal with kids Coeliac Disease. Through Facebook groups and twitter these people have made me feel supported, without the internet and social media I think it could have been very isolating.
So yes whilst we are a tradition nuclear family we are also very much a modern one! Join me in celebrating the diversity of modern families by posting your family portrait here.
What makes your family modern? This is what other Mumsnet bloggers had to say.